Men & Women See Cheating Differently, Says Study

Cheating is cheating, right?

 

Well, that depends if you’re a man or a woman.

 

A new study published by Taylor & Francis Group in Sexual & Relationship Therapy reveals the different ways in which men and women perceive infidelity.  We all know the damage infidelity can do but when the sexes see cheating differently, that’s a problem in and of itself.

 

For the experiment, researchers asked hundreds of young men and women to complete an online questionnaire, which categorized infidelity in three ways – sexual infidelity, intimate infidelity, and fantasy infidelity.

 

The authors of the study found that, “women were more likely than men to identify both sexual-based and emotion-based acts as constituting infidelity.”

 

Men, find greater distress in sexual infidelity, overall because according to researchers, men fear that a woman’s sexual infidelity would result in the man having to provide for children who are not his own, and women fear that a man’s emotional infidelity would result in him providing for the other woman and not her.

 

The findings also suggest that women being more likely to identify certain acts as infidelity is unsurprising given that the women scored higher than the men on measures of communion—the extent to which a person wants to form and maintain positive interpersonal bonds.

 

So, what one partner may perceive as an act of infidelity, the other may perceive as a harmless act.  The researchers say, “knowing what your partner believes to be infidelity could potentially save a relationship if both partners understand each other’s perspective.”

 

 

* Read the full article online: http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/14681994.2016.1196290

>A Little Touch Can Go A Long Way

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Valentine’s Day is just days away and it turns out, couples are failing at doing the one, simple and inexpensive thing that instantly brings two people closer: touching each other.

 

Recent findings in a new Touch Initiative survey by K-Y and The Kinsey Institute finds that Americans are touch-starved. Here are some key findings:

 

87% of men and women in committed relationships rated touch as very or extremely important to building intimacy. Yet 34% of people say they’re not touched enough.

74% of people prefer to engage in regular or intimate touch (with their partner) rather than talking without touching (10%). However, almost one in 3 people engage in talking more often than touching.

86% of couples who did touch intimately, more than once a day, were more likely to be very or extremely satisfied with their relationship compared to 72% of the general population.

 

“Touch is important for sustaining a healthy relationship, but it’s also necessary for our feelings of connection, safety and overall well-being,” says Associate Director for Research and Education at The Kinsey Institute, Dr. Justin R. Garcia. In other words, touch is critical to our happiness. “People who experience regular loving touch benefit from increased oxytocin levels, which has been associated with lower heart rates and lower blood pressure, and over time can decrease a person’s risk for many serious health ailments,” he says.

 

So if touch is THAT important, what are couples risking by not touching each other enough? Renowned sex and relationship expert, Dr. Laura Berman, says, “The [Touch Initiative] survey shows that 88% of people would like to be touched at least once a week, yet so many couples come to see me because their relationship is being threatened by a lack of intimacy.”

 

Berman says that touch can be the first step to helping couples build intimacy.

 

“Touching to connect and inspire intimacy can be as simple as holding hands or stroking the back of someone’s neck. Connection comes from an accumulation of small gestures, and if it’s a loving touch, the specific type of touch isn’t as important as the actual act of touching,” she says.

 

So, next time you’re walking or driving together, hold each other’s hand. Or, touch legs when sitting next to each other. You never know where that little touch will take you.

 

The complete Touch Initiative survey:

Eat Your “Underwear” Out

Nothing says “eat me” like a pair of bacon scented underwear. The makers of Bacon Salt and Bacon Lip Balm have finally announced the launch of Bacon Scented Underwear, for men and women. It’s the world’s first underwear that looks and smells like bacon. Bacon Underwear_men

J&D’s Foods says, “Marrying the ultimate in comfort and cured meat, J&D’s Bacon Scented Underwear represents the gold standard of meat-scented luxury undergarments. Each pair is hand crafted in the USA to offer the support of briefs, the freedom of boxers and the smell of breakfast cooking in your pants.” Cause who doesn’t want their lover smelling like salty, cured meat?

The underwear, which features scent-emission technology, will last through multiple wash cycles and wearings, for up to 6 months or even a year.

However, wear with caution. If you don’t want to be mauled (especially down there) by a ravenous wild animal, J&D’s legal team warns:

• Bacon Scented Underwear is not recommended for people in the following professions: mail carriers, zookeepers, veterinarians, dog catchers and walkers, and circus performers (especially lion tamers).

• If you have a large dog with razor sharp teeth, please do not fall asleep in J&D’s Bacon Scented Underwear.

• If you are hiking in the woods where bears are known to roam, please do not wear Bacon Scented Underwear without also carrying a firearm.

This lip-smacking lingerie sells for $19.99 online and comes in briefs for men and booty-shorts for women. Bacon Underwear_women

Good Credit Could Help You Score Mr. or Mrs. Right

credit-card-1-1510273If you’re wondering why a relationship failed or why one didn’t seem to launch with a particular person you clicked with, it may not be you or them. It may have been your credit scores.

New data from the Federal Reserve shows that credit scores—or whatever personal qualities credit scores might indicate—actually play a big role in whether people will form and/or stay in committed relationships.

Someone who takes care of themselves and is healthy financially is more likely to be healthy emotionally and more grounded, says sex and relationship coach, Tatiana Dellepiane. “A grounded person can be in a healthy relationship. Honoring your commitments and taking care of your own life is the new sexy,” she says.

One’s credit score number is supposed to reflect the risk of lending money to someone, based mostly on their past financial history of borrowing and paying off debts. The number is often used by landlords, employers and many businesses to evaluate whether someone is financially responsible and can often say a lot about a person’s character.

That said, the Feds may be right in advising daters to use this same metric when searching for Mr. or Mrs. Right.

After analyzing millions of randomly selected U.S. consumers from the credit reporting agency Equifax over a 15 year period, researchers found that people with higher credit scores are likely to form committed relationships and marriages and then stay in them. In addition, how well the couple’s credit score matched, is also a good predictor of whether they’ll stay together in the long term.

Experts point to 3 potential reasons for the findings: credit-payment-3-1514035

• Credit scores can provide an obstacle for couples as it’s the lower score of the two people that credit agencies use. This can place limits on what kind of lifestyle a person can have. “Women and men want to date someone with a high credit score because then they feel safe to build a future together. They can purchase a house or a car together. Healthy financials signal possibilities,” says Dellepiane.

• Low or significantly different scores can right away signal financial stress down the road of life. Are your partner’s student loans paid off? Have they ever defaulted on any other loans or filed for bankruptcy? Their money problems could become yours.

• Credit scores can reflect something deeper about one’s personal qualities and relationship skills. How one handles their money can be a good indicator of how they’ll handle you. “How you are in sex is how you are in life. Same goes for money. When you activate your sexual energy center in your body, you feel more empowered and you make the right choices for yourself. The more that you are in touch with yourself and empowered in your body, the more you take full responsibility of your financial situation,” says Dellepiane.

It makes a person more confident and secure knowing their finances are in check. If a date has poor credit and bad finances, they may feel that dating is just another financial burden. And, if this potential partner isn’t secure enough in their finances to be dating you, forget about them wanting to start a family.

Says Dellepiane: “If you were to date someone with a low credit score, then you would want to make sure and fully understand that they are aware of their financial issues, and actively working to improve them, because credit scores can improve.”

Talking about finances and credit scores may seem invasive in the beginning and perhaps asking, “what’s your credit score” isn’t as sexy as “what’s your favorite food”, but it’s probably a better indicator of whether that relationship is going to last or not.

Partner Up! Being Alone Really Is Bad For Your Health

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New York City is one of the most populated cities in the world. So why do so many good looking and successful people I talk to report feeling “lonely”? Probably because the value people place on having meaningful relationships keeps slipping down their priority list.

So it’s not surprising that the marriage rate continues to decline, with the number of people never getting married reaching new heights. To many, the idea of even being in a committed relationship is a complete turnoff. More and more people are opting to stay single because of personal preference, career or financial reasons. Let’s face it, relationships aren’t seen as valuable or needed as they use to be. In fact, for the first time since the Bureau of Labor Statistics began tracking these numbers, there are officially more single people in the United States than married people.

But if you feel like you’re better off being alone for whatever reason you tell yourself, you could be putting your health at risk. A new study done by Brigham Young University involving millions of people over a 35 year span finds that loneliness and social isolation are just as harmful as, or even worse, than obesity, smoking or alcoholism. Since all three are taken very seriously, researchers say we need to take our relationships just as seriously.

Researchers studied the feelings of loneliness, even in social settings, and found that those who said they were lonely, felt socially isolated, or lived alone had an average 30% increased likelihood of dying at an earlier age. The impact of feeling lonely can be just as harmful as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, research shows. That’s because of the damage loneliness does to us both physically and mentally.

True, living alone has its perks like: being as messy as you want, walking around naked and eating peanut butter with a spoon, but researchers say physical and mental health is simply not an advantage to being alone, particularly for those younger than 65-years-old.

Social media may also be a contributing factor to increasing global loneliness. A separate study shows that social media reduces overall satisfaction and actually adds to feelings of loneliness.

So maybe now is the time to start taking those real (not virtual) relationships more seriously. Talk to your friends more, hug and kiss your significant other, or just allow yourself to be more open to loving relationships. It may just save your life.

Ashley M. Papa

Better To Be In A Drama-Filled Relationship, Or NO Relationship?

Saturday morning, this past weekend, I was letting myself sleep in later than usual. (Later being 8 A.M.) As I lay there, I could hear my neighbors arguing, yet again. This time, it seemed to be because the boyfriend had secretly downloaded Viber and Whatsapp to text others behind the girlfriend’s back.

A few nights ago, they were arguing over the girl being an alleged slob. During my eavesdropping, I could hear the guy tell the girl how she is ‘making his life miserable’. She continued to call him names and accused him of lying. The fighting eventually faded until they had either left or got over it.

It made me think, is it better to with someone and in a relationship like that, filled with lying, drama and insults or not have a relationship at all? I would hope most girls say “no thanks” to the drama. How could anyone want to be with someone who tells you, ‘you make his life miserable’ or may potentially be cheating on you? Do they not know that we’re supposed to be with someone who brings out the best in us and not the stress in us? Is this girl so desperate for love, that she would rather be with this guy, than be alone?

I don’t know who they are. I don’t know their situation. But if they are not married, I hope she is not considering spending the rest of her life with this guy, for her sake. She is wasting her time right now being with him. Some people may feel that it is better to be with anyone, even in a situation like this, than risk being alone for an indefinite amount of time.

But if she chose to be alone, there would be nobody to fight with, nobody to stress out over, and it would open her up to meeting someone who would never treat her the way this guy is. A drama-filled relationship is *not* better than NO relationship.

Ashley M. Papa

Avoiding that Awkward “What Are We?” Conversation

You know that conversation: the “what are we” conversation? It’s always awkward and unnatural and puts a lot of pressure on the guy. In fact, your relationship could be going smoothly until that question comes up.

But if you just need to know what your status with him is, there are ways to tell without having to pop the question.

Like:

He is reliable. You can count on him to respond to your texts and phone calls. If he plans something with you or says he is going to do something, he keeps his word. A guy that wants to be your boyfriend cares about not letting you down.

He brings you around his friends. This is an easy one. I guy that brings you around his friends and colleagues shows he wants the important people in his life to know you are together. A guy that doesn’t bring you around his friends and actually avoids situations where he may run into them with you, is pretty much keeping you a secret.

He doesn’t introduce you as “friend”. He may not introduce you as his “girlfriend”, but as long as he isn’t introducing you as “friend”..NO title is better than THAT title. Maybe guys just don’t like labeling their lady as “girlfriend” because then it makes them a “boyfriend” which to some seems like a childish term. (my own theory)

He does stuff for you, often going out of his way. I would always choose having a meal cooked for me, than a dinner bought for me. A guy that puts in extra effort to do stuff that benefits you, is a sure sign he is serious about the relationship. It shows that he is not just with you out of convenience.

He talks about future plans. Not kids and houses and that stuff, but an event going on a few months from now that you can both go to. Or, maybe even a future trip together. This shows that he is still planning that you’ll be in his life several months from now. A guy who isn’t serious about you, wouldn’t even care about making plans with you tomorrow.

He does other stuff with you. Not just have sex and take you out to dinner. But, you both actually do activities together, just as friends would do. (In addition to the sex). You go to events together, like a friend’s BBQ or wedding.

He lets you into his life… And with this, you experience the good times and the bad. You know what’s going on with his work, his family and his friends. You know what bothers him and what makes him happy. With a guy who doesn’t, everything will just kind of seem stagnant because he isn’t opening up to you and likely just using you for sex or to fill some void.

.. and is genuinely interested in your life. He’ll want to read your latest article, know what’s going on with your promotion at work and how your brother’s family is doing. A guy who isn’t serious about you, isn’t serious about what you do, either.

Ashley M. Papa