Why The #$%& Hasn’t He Asked You Out Yet?

You’re interested in a guy and he seems to be interested in you. You’ve been having a good conversation going for a while and may have even seen him a few times–in a non-date setting. Yet, he still hasn’t asked you out on a REAL date. It can be so frustrating and make you wonder why he hasn’t made a move or if he ever will.

Depending on the circumstances, the confidence of the guy, and the way a lady makes him feel, there’s a reason he hasn’t asked you out.

He may be physically or emotionally unavailable, in which case, the timing is just bad, says professional matchmaker and founder of cupidscronies.com, April Davis. “He could also be stringing the girl along simply for attention and to feed his ego, with no real interest in having it go anywhere.”

There is also more confusion about who asks who out today. Even when interest feels mutual, men fear rejection, says Michael Bruch, creator of the messaging app, Willow.

“Perhaps the guy is concerned the woman just views him as a friend. Many guys are hesitant to ask a girl out when they aren’t receiving strong signals. They don’t want to have their ego bruised, so many wait until they are confidant in the outcome to ask a girl out.”

Speaking of “friends”, he could’ve already placed you in the friend zone and more needs to be done to make him see you differently and create a spark.

“Turn up the sexy and flirt more, to get his attention,” says Davis.

Or, just ask him out.

A good looking guy may just be used to women throwing themselves at him, and asking him out, says relationship coach & author, Cherry Norris.

If that’s the case, do you really want to be with someone like that anyway?

“In every successful romantic relationship, there is one primarily masculine hero who initiates and pursues, and one feminine ingénue who is receptive and available,” says Norris.

Depending on the circumstances, both people could assume the role of the female.  If that happens, find yourself a new man!

First Date Mistakes that’ll Kill a New Relationship

 

Who hasn’t been on a really bad first date? Whether the other person did something embarrassing, annoying or rude, it doesn’t take much to make a good date turn sour. There is a lot to pay attention to on a first date which will ultimately determine if there will be a second date.

 

So, wouldn’t it be nice to know ahead of time what behaviors to avoid so you don’t turn the other person off? As petty as they may sound, here are 14 mistakes to avoid so you don’t get disqualified from the dating game.

 

Being late: Here’s a way to kick-start a date heading nowhere. If you set a time to meet, be there. That goes for both men and women. It makes a terrible first impression and guarantees the other person starts the date annoyed, notes psychologist Dr. Guy Winch in his piece for Psychology Today.

 

Drinking too much: Getting blitzed on a first date won’t leave a good impression. A drink or two is fine, but make sure you are present and in control. “Drinking also impairs your judgment and can make you more susceptible to let your physical desires overstep your relationship demands,” says relationship counselors and co-authors, Drs. Judith and Bob Wright.

 

Not speaking up: If the other person does something that makes you uncomfortable—subtly puts you down, is rude to the waitress, makes snide comments—don’t just take it like a punching a bag; say something! Dating is about finding the “the one”, not about torturing yourself with bad company.

 

Spilling your guts: Be forthcoming and real, but don’t turn the date into a therapy session. “Ease into talking about yourself—remember intimacy is a bit at a time. Let him or her reveal a little, then you reveal a little,” says Dr. Judith.

 

Trying to impress: Trying too hard to impress a date can easily backfire, if, for example, you take your date to a Michelin-Starred restaurant and your credit card gets declined. Know your limits and be confident that just being yourself, is enough to impress anybody.

 

Lying: Fudging the truth—even a little—on a first date means you’re starting the relationship with a lie. “When wanting to be liked, we may embellish, hide relevant data and say anything to make us appear more authentic. However, if you continue to date, the truth will eventually come out,” says Dr. Judith.

 

Thinking too far ahead: You may be thinking about the next date, but you’re still on date number one, so be present. “If you worry about what comes after the first date, chances are you’ll be anxious, appear needy and may try harder to impress the other person. Be on the date you’re on now,” says Dr. Bob.

 

Worrying about chemistry: Questioning whether there is a spark too early will easily eliminate a chance for a second date. You could be attracted to a “bad boy”, but that doesn’t mean he’s “the one”. Chemistry grows over time when one’s real self comes out. So, stop worrying about that before you even know your date’s last name.

 

Playing it safe: It’s normal to keep your guard up on a first date. Remember, it’s hard to get to know someone who isn’t open to letting somebody in. “If you don’t give the other person the chance to know you, they may not ask you out again because neither of you were real to begin with,” says Dr. Judith.

 

Talking about an ex: Unless specifically ask, avoid getting into relationships past. A recent survey by the dating website Zoosk.com on what’s okay to disclose and when, shows that nearly half of men and women say past relationships, including recent breakups, should not be discussed until after a few weeks of dating.

 

Checking your phone: It’s the classic 2016 scene: a man and a woman out to dinner and both have their smartphones on the table. Checking your phone makes you come across as bored, distracted, or worse, uninterested. “If you must check your phone, apologize, explain why, and do it quickly,” says Dr. Winch. Better yet, just keep it in your pocket or purse and on silent.

 

Being too self-demeaning: Modesty is appealing; low self-esteem is not. There is no need to announce all your flaws on the first date. Joking about how bad you are at dating is also a huge turn off. “Telling someone on a first date that you’re bad at dating is like a director coming out before the movie to announce that it stinks. It kills interest or motivation the other person might have had,” says Dr. Winch.

 

Lecturing or ranting: They say there are two things you should never discuss at the dinner table: religion and politics. The same holds true for the first date. When you have strong beliefs or opinions, it is easy to get overexcited. Zoosk.com’s disclosure survey again shows that close to half of men and women daters say religious beliefs should be discussed after a few weeks of dating.

 

Not asking questions: Conversations should flow back and forth. So, if you’re not asking questions to the other person and just talking about yourself, you’ll either look A, not interested, B, self-absorbed, or C, both. “Asking questions conveys engagement. If you’re shy or unsure of what to ask, think of topics ahead of time,” says Dr. Winch.

The Phrases to Avoid, to Avoid a Dating Disaster

 

When you ask couples who’ve been married 30-plus years about the key to a successful marriage, the majority will probably tell you, “having good communication”. So, what exactly does this mean? It’s not just about talking, but the words and phrases that are being said.

Psychotherapist, Mel Schwartz, writes in a piece for Psychology Today that we often take for granted that our words convey exactly what we want them to. In other words, what and how we phrase things, can easily be misconstrued by our partner. “By the time a few sentences have passed, we may have a totally missed-communication,” he says.

You can bypass a potential relationship dust-up by avoiding these 6 phrases.

“You should (do this, or that)” – Telling your partner what they “should”  do can make them feel like you’re the boss of them.  Life coach and author of Says Who?, Ora Nadrich, says, “A better way to suggest what you think would be good for them to do is to say, “It might be a good idea” or “Maybe you could” or “You might want to think about, consider, or try.”

“I hate when you” – “Hate” is a harsh word, so starting a sentence off with it can come off aggressive or angry. If you want to voice your feelings of displeasure or dissatisfaction, say, “It doesn’t make me feel good when you (do this, or say that)” or “It bothers me when you” or “I feel disrespected, or not listened to when you,” says Nadrich. Keep the focus on how YOU feel, don’t point fingers.

“Do (this), Get (that)” – Remember, manners matter. You don’t want to sound like an ungrateful master ordering around their servant. Take a lesson from Kindergarten 101 and use your “please”, “thank you’s” and “may I’s”. Try rewording your requests by saying something like, “You know I adore it when you…” or “I so appreciate it when you…”. Relationship expert and psychologist, Dr. Karen Ruskin, says, “If you use phrases that predict that the other person will do your request—and do it nicely—you’re more likely to get it.”

“It’s all your fault” – Even if your partner is 100% to blame for something that’s happened, casting blame only adds insult to injury. Nadrich says before accusing, check in with yourself to make sure that you didn’t contribute to an unpleasant outcome even in the slightest way. Then, address their fault by saying something like, “You might have thought about this more carefully” or “I hope this opened your eyes to how to avoid this from happening again”.

“You always do this” – Telling your partner that they always do something can sound like you’re judging them. You’re not in a relationship to be judged. If you find that they do something that bothers you frequently, a better way to say it could be “It seems like you’ve been doing this more often” or “This has been coming up a lot lately.”

“You’re never going to (do this or that, or be this or that)” – Besides sounding like a snob and downright mean, telling your partner that they’re never going to be something, or be able to do something is basically telling them that they’re never going to change. As frustrated as you may be with your partner’s habits or annoying mannerisms, it’s better to encourage the other by saying, “Why don’t you try this” or “You’ve been doing it that way for a long time, and might want to consider doing it differently” or “I know you can do this.”

>Forget About A 2nd Date If You Make These Mistakes On The 1st

You can’t have a relationship without a first date, right? What is supposed to be a fun way to get to know another person–who could potentially be your next BF/GF–can often be awkward as hell. Whether the other person was embarrassing, annoying or rude, it doesn’t take much for the date to turn sour.

In fact, there’s a lot of little factors that can ruin a first date (and ultimately determine if there will be a second). As petty as they may sound–lecturing, not asking questions, being a picky eater– they’ll still get you disqualified from the dating game in no time.

Want to know some other common first date mistakes to avoid? READ MORE:

The Most Common 1st Date Fears And How To Get Over Them

You can’t have a relationship without a first date. But, the pressure of impressing another person can make the whole experience feel like an anxiety-ridden ordeal rather than a fun, getting-to-know-you adventure. That fear of what could go wrong may even make the nervous cancel a first date all together.

The dating site, whatsyourprice.com recently surveyed more than 80,000 of its members to determine what some of those common first dates fears are. Here are the top five along with easy solutions to extinguish those concerns.

Having bad breath: 36% of singletons say they fear having bad breath. You can easily squash this concern by carrying breath-fresheners with you. Opt for Listerine Pocket Strips or smaller mints like Altoids. Try to avoid gum or even larger candies so you don’t look like a nervous, masticating horse while chewing or sucking that candy.

Something caught in teeth: 25% of singletons say they fear getting food caught in their teeth. If this phobia is keeping you from getting out there, avoid foods prone to getting lodged in your grill and adding pepper to your meal. You can also carry a floss-pick or two with you. Just make sure you excuse yourself from your date before going to town on your teeth.

Spilling on myself: 15% of daters say they dread spilling food or drinks on themselves. The best way to avoid this is old fashioned table manners. Make sure you’re eating over your plate and place a napkin on your lap. If you’re standing, try drinking over the bar and avoid crowded areas where you might get bumped. In the event you do spill food or beverage on yourself and it doesn’t warrant ending the date, hopefully you can cover the stain by wearing a jacket or just laughing about it.

Wardrobe malfunction: 14% of first-daters say ripping their pants, breaking a heel, popping a button–and the like–is their greatest concern. For starters, wear clothing that fits and you’re comfortable in. If you plan on walking 15 street blocks, 3 avenues and standing for 2 hours, wearing your sexiest of high-heels doesn’t seem like a good idea. If a malfunction does occur and there is no way to hide it and you don’t feel like popping into the GAP to spend $80 on a pair of khakis, it may be a good time to end the date.

Drinking too much: 10% of men and women daters say they fear drinking too much on a first date. The only solution here is, don’t do it. Limit yourself to one or two drinks and make sure to eat or have food in your stomach. Getting too blitzed on a first date can make you look sloppy and won’t give your date a good first impression. Not to mention, you want to make sure you feel completely present and in control with someone you barely know.

The site’s founder, Brandon Wade, says, “The healthiest way to approach a first date is to be optimistic and open minded. If you’re constantly worried about everything that could go wrong, you can miss out on really getting to know your date.”

And, if any of the above do occur, hopefully your date is cool enough to laugh it off and accept or ask for a second date.

Good Credit Could Help You Score Mr. or Mrs. Right

credit-card-1-1510273If you’re wondering why a relationship failed or why one didn’t seem to launch with a particular person you clicked with, it may not be you or them. It may have been your credit scores.

New data from the Federal Reserve shows that credit scores—or whatever personal qualities credit scores might indicate—actually play a big role in whether people will form and/or stay in committed relationships.

Someone who takes care of themselves and is healthy financially is more likely to be healthy emotionally and more grounded, says sex and relationship coach, Tatiana Dellepiane. “A grounded person can be in a healthy relationship. Honoring your commitments and taking care of your own life is the new sexy,” she says.

One’s credit score number is supposed to reflect the risk of lending money to someone, based mostly on their past financial history of borrowing and paying off debts. The number is often used by landlords, employers and many businesses to evaluate whether someone is financially responsible and can often say a lot about a person’s character.

That said, the Feds may be right in advising daters to use this same metric when searching for Mr. or Mrs. Right.

After analyzing millions of randomly selected U.S. consumers from the credit reporting agency Equifax over a 15 year period, researchers found that people with higher credit scores are likely to form committed relationships and marriages and then stay in them. In addition, how well the couple’s credit score matched, is also a good predictor of whether they’ll stay together in the long term.

Experts point to 3 potential reasons for the findings: credit-payment-3-1514035

• Credit scores can provide an obstacle for couples as it’s the lower score of the two people that credit agencies use. This can place limits on what kind of lifestyle a person can have. “Women and men want to date someone with a high credit score because then they feel safe to build a future together. They can purchase a house or a car together. Healthy financials signal possibilities,” says Dellepiane.

• Low or significantly different scores can right away signal financial stress down the road of life. Are your partner’s student loans paid off? Have they ever defaulted on any other loans or filed for bankruptcy? Their money problems could become yours.

• Credit scores can reflect something deeper about one’s personal qualities and relationship skills. How one handles their money can be a good indicator of how they’ll handle you. “How you are in sex is how you are in life. Same goes for money. When you activate your sexual energy center in your body, you feel more empowered and you make the right choices for yourself. The more that you are in touch with yourself and empowered in your body, the more you take full responsibility of your financial situation,” says Dellepiane.

It makes a person more confident and secure knowing their finances are in check. If a date has poor credit and bad finances, they may feel that dating is just another financial burden. And, if this potential partner isn’t secure enough in their finances to be dating you, forget about them wanting to start a family.

Says Dellepiane: “If you were to date someone with a low credit score, then you would want to make sure and fully understand that they are aware of their financial issues, and actively working to improve them, because credit scores can improve.”

Talking about finances and credit scores may seem invasive in the beginning and perhaps asking, “what’s your credit score” isn’t as sexy as “what’s your favorite food”, but it’s probably a better indicator of whether that relationship is going to last or not.

Peace, Love & Politics

american-flag-1192239Unless you live in a cave or on a raft in the middle of the ocean without any connection to the real world, it’s hard to avoid the myriad of political headlines; whether it’s Hillary or Bernie, Donald or Jeb, they’re everywhere.

But what happens when you mix politics and dating? Depending on who you’re talking about, who you’re supporting and which side you lean, can determine if you’re heading for love or war. A new survey of thousands of singles by the dating website Zoosk.com, reveals the impact the upcoming presidential election could have on relationships.

The survey found that:

Talking Trump could lead to a full on debate: Conversation lagging? Bring up Republican candidate Donald Trump. 77% of respondents stated they’d likely begin a lengthy, productive conversation about politics if their date brought up Donald Trump’s campaign, while 17% said they would run in the opposite direction. Only 5% said bringing up the real estate mogul would spark an argument.

Women care more about politics than men: 20% of women were more likely to respond with “very important” and “somewhat important” when asked how important political party affiliation was in their online dating profile or during conversation.

Young men were more likely to change political beliefs: Men between 18 and 24 years old were 20% more likely than any other group, to admit changing their political beliefs due to their partner’s influence.

Dating across party lines: The majority would, with 75% saying they do date across political party lines.

The younger, the more open minded: Daters between 18 and 24 were more open to dating across party lines, while the old respondents were 20% more likely to admit that a person’s political party affiliation has kept them from starting a conversation, even if they were originally attracted to the person.

The younger you are, the less likely politics will be a problem. Political beliefs can take on more importance later in life when you want to plan a future with someone. How your taxes should be spent and what schools are teaching children, suddenly seem to matter. us-capitol-1233848 Continue reading

Sexting More Common Among Adults, Which Is A Good Thing, Says Study

sms-romantica-para-namorado“Sexting” gets a bad rap these days. But more and more adults are reportedly doing it, and that may not be such a bad thing. A recent study by Drexel University’s Women’s Health Psychology Lab shows that 88% of respondents send ‘sext’ messages with 8 out of 10 people surveyed admitting to sexting in the past year. Researchers also found that with the increased levels of sexting, came greater sexual satisfaction, especially for those in a relationship.

“This research indicates that sexting is a prevalent behavior that adults engage in for a variety of reasons. These findings show a robust relationship between sexting and sexual and relationship satisfaction,” said Emily Stasko, a clinical psychology doctoral student in Drexel University’s College of Arts and Sciences.

The survey also asked about attitudes toward sexting and found that people who sexted more saw the behavior as more fun and carefree, and had higher beliefs that sexting was expected in their relationships.

Sexting has received growing negative attention, often associated as being ‘risky’ behavior. But as the researchers point out, this attitude fails to account for the potential positive effects of open sexual communication with a partner. A separate study on ‘sexting’ done by the University of Michigan similarly found that the act is not associated as risky behavior, since most respondents that received sexts also sent them… which implies a reciprocal relationship.

The bottom line is that the study proves sexting is now, pretty much viewed as a healthy component of modern adult relationships. However, know what you’re getting into when sending a ‘sext’. Anything that gets sent into the cybersphere, has the potential to be seen by a third party, even if it is just intended for your loved one.

And when it comes to sexting etiquette, make sure the person you’re dating/texting is into exchanging scandalous pictures. Just because you may be engaging in some heavy text-flirting doesn’t mean you now have the go-ahead to send pictures of your junk or goodies.