Lying & Loving Go Hand in Hand

crossed fingers

Imagine if we said exactly what we were thinking and feeling — all the time — to our mate. They’d have to put a muzzle on us to make any relationship survive. That said, we’re all liars. Whether it’s because we hide our feelings, remain silent when we want to yell, or embellish the truth a tad, if we didn’t lie sometimes, relationships would be impossible.

So you must lie, to be a better lover. This is according to professor and author of the book “Love Lies”, Clancy Martin. He says, “we care more about love than we care about most things, and because love causes us more fear than most things do, caring and fearing are two of the most common reasons for lying.”

Of course, we all want our partners to be honest with us, but imagine if he/she was constantly voicing everything that was irking them about you, to you. We’d end up hating the person we’re supposed to love. Not to mention, it can lead to feelings of insecurity and resentment.

I’m guilty of lying to boyfriends about non-important things. To me, I loved (using that loosely here) them too much to make them feel inadequate or think I was disappointed in them over things that really weren’t that big of a deal.

Sweet little lies can help get us through the day and give relationships a boost. Martin compares this to lies we sometimes tell children like, “you can be whatever you want to be”. When it comes to lying to a lover, you may say something like “you’re the best sex I ever had” or “nobody’s ever made me feel the way you do”. That’ll get you more lovemaking than saying something like “(past lover) did this so much better”.

Lies that lift are good. You’d never honestly tell your woman that she looks fat in that dress, would you?

But there are some areas where lying never leads to more love like: lying or withholding information about past marriages, infidelity, finances, criminal records or any other serious issues. Says Martin: Honesty and deception should be practiced in moderation. That’s because little lies can become a habit and even snowball into bigger ones.

Being caught in a lie can damage trust. So if this happens, just own up to it and explain why you did it.

In my article “Can Lying Actually Make a Relationship Stronger”, I noted that what may seem like a little lie to you, could be a huge deal to your significant other. Also, you don’t want lies to become the basis of your relationship. You need to actually believe that your love is “the best you’ve ever had” or what is the point of being in that relationship?

Ashley M. Papa